Some Keaton Backstory (last part)

Keaton had a job as bodyguard for a gay Dutch billionaire back when he was in his early 20s. One of the people that he had to deal with was this slimeball dude who’d gotten into the boss’ bed and who was trying to fuck him over in business. After he found out about the plot, the boss told Keaton to escort the dude out of the building…

And hurt him.

Keaton wanted to say he was a bodyguard, not an enforcer, but then he thought about it. He was loyal to the boss, so working over the good-looking slimeball would be like standing up for his friends.  So he answered:

“How bad?”

The boss had to think about it for a while. Then he said:

“Leave the face.”

This sounds like a movie, right? But you can’t make this shit up.

So at the end of the day Keaton went down to the dude’s office and said he was there to help him carry his stuff out of the building since he was being transferred to an office in the middle of nowhere starting the next day. He said the dude didn’t look suspicious at all. They got down to the garage, put the dude’s shit on top of the his car…and then Keaton beat the crap outta him. He even hit him in the face once, just for good measure, but didn’t knock him out. He wanted the dude to get the fuck outta the building and never come back. He was also worried about witnesses, since he was pretty sure that Holland had laws about beating people up in public places.

“I don’t think we’ll be hearing from him again,” Keaton told the boss when he got back upstairs.

“What did you do to him?”

“What you told me to do.”

“Hit him hard?”

Keaton just looked at him.

“I should send you to do it again. That little bastard needs to suffer.”

“He suffered plenty,” Keaton said. “Don’t forget that my job is protecting you, not messing people up because you don’t like them. I don’t want to get nailed for assault in a country where I don’t even have a work permit.”

“You’re right, you’re right. Could he get up after you were finished?”

Keaton realized the conversation was getting a little kinky. He’d gotten the job because the boss had seem him in a fight and liked what he saw. But it’s super creepy when you’re watching a gay dude get turned on by you. And that’s what was happening.

So Keaton got out of the boss’ office before the boss could get more hot and bothered (ew!). Keaton liked his job, so not giving the boss any more details about working the boy toy traitor over was in everyone’s best interests.

When Keaton was done telling me the story (and gotten us another couple beers), there was one question I asked. What about the executive who was working with the good-looking jerkoff? Did Keaton have to fuck him up too?

The answer is no. The boss never asked him to. He didn’t even put Keaton in charge of getting the traitor out of the building. Keaton reckoned the boss had some kind of corporate revenge planned against him.  Besides, the executive hadn’t “earned” his promotions in the boss’ bed.  I reckon that gave the boss less reason to want to hurt him.

Hey, Keaton’s ex boss may be gay, but he’s still a dude. And all dudes have male egos. Being fucked over by people who were fucking you just so they could fuck you over sucks. (Those are the words Keaton used lol.) The boss doesn’t sound like a bad guy, actually…although he did get bit in the ass by his plan to run his company with bitchass gay guys. And Dirk sounded like a good guy, too.

You can tell from the story that Keaton was super loyal to the boss and Dirk, which he wouldn’t have been if he were the bigass homophobe he sometimes acts. The bodyguard job gave him a big education in how gay guys can act, both good and bad.

The gay guys in the office all treated Keaton with respect. Maybe they started off saying that Keaton and the boss had something going, but that stopped pretty fast, since pretty much everybody working for the company was scared shitless of Keaton. That was part of his job; he says he learned how to turn on and off being intimidating while working in Amsterdam. He can look at you and make you think he can kill you without needing a gun to do it…but he can also scream his head off on a log ride at Disneyland and fuck with a buddy better than anyone else I know.

And he says he treated the gay guys with respect, too. It must have been super weirdass being the only straight dude in a world of gay ones, but Keaton managed it. He even got so drunk one night that he went to a gay bar with some of the guys. He must have been super fucked up, since he said it didn’t even bother him when was getting called “cowboy” by a bunch of drunkass gay Dutch guys. There’s actually something weird about Keaton: he never notices when gay guys hit on him. He notices them well enough when they’re hitting on me, but when it happens to him, he just acts like it isn’t happening. Maybe he really doesn’t notice.

So the answer to Joyce’s question is no, Keaton’s not this bigass homophobe. He may kill me for writing this, but, at one point, he even worked security at a gay bar in London. That doesn’t mean he likes it when he sees gay dudes acting all gayass in public (what he hates the most is all the hugging and kissing instead of shaking hands), but he’s cool with them being what they are.

We’re lucky he told me this story, since of course telling people about your past is gay. Maybe he’ll tell me another the next time we turn the Dodger game off early. So I reckon it’s a choice: Dodgers winning or more Keaton backstory lol.