So I was telling y’all about the bet I made with my roommate/buddy/teammate Jackson that I could have sex with 30 chicks in 30 days.
So where did I start? Obvious: the chick who shot Jackson down earlier that night. It didn’t take too long to get her back to my room. I already knew that she’d asked him “who’s your friend?” when she’d seen us together before she shot him down.
So I went over to her, and it was “hey” “hey” and “I think you broke my buddy’s heart back there” and a laugh and a smile. (Have y’all seen “Tangled”? You remember the scene where Flynn says “now comes the smolder”? It doesn’t work for him in the movie, but a smolder is a thing. Only my smolder is more like a bashful smile. Or so chicks keep telling me. I smile a lot anyway…but I’ll admit it: my “smolder” comes in handy.)
I could tell Jackson was pissed off when me and the chick left the bar, but, hey, he started it. I was a little worried about leaving him there, drunk and angry. But I had a bet to win.
And he knew his way home lol.
That’s 1. 29 to go.
I’m not going to tell y’all about all 29. I don’t even remember all 29. I just tried to reconstruct the list we burned, and I could only come up was 21 names. And not all those were names. I had to write “chick with the braids” and “cheerleader from Gatlinburg” and a few more descriptions like that.
There were around 20,000 undergrads total at MT when I was there, so that makes around 10,000 chicks. Once you’ve subtracted the angry chicks, lesbians, under 5s and virgins, I reckon there were about 4000 chicks left to choose from. So if I had to get 30 hits out of 4000 at bats, I’d only need a batting average of 0.0075 to win the bet.
Seeing as I’d batted .395 the previous season, I reckoned I could handle that.
That’s not to say that all 29 remaining chicks were undergraduates. There were some faculty members in there too. Both were chicks who were after me, so it was pretty easy getting them in bed. I usually hate it when the chick goes after me, but I was less picky about it that October.
Probably the most weirdass story is the chick who literally dropped herself into my lap. I was sitting out on the grass on the 12th (I remember the date), wondering where I was going to go that night to get chick #12 when somebody drops a note into my lap. I looked up, and saw the back of a chick in a short, tight red dress. I didn’t see the front, but the back was smokin. From the way her ass was moving, I was pretty sure she was the one who’d dropped the note.
I opened it. It gave a time late that evening and a room number in a building I’d never been in (duh: it was a science building). That’s all it said. From the way the chick’s ass was moving, I had a pretty clear idea of why she wanted me in that room at 9:30.
I still have no idea whether she went around campus with a supply of notes like that and just dropped them into the laps of guys she thought were hot, or whether she’d seen me sitting there and then written the note. I got a strong vibe that she’d done this before.
Since I had no other candidates for chick #12, I went to the building like the note said. When I got to the room on the note, it turned out to be a seminar room with a long table and chairs around it. About a minute after I got there, the woman in the red dress came in. When I saw her from the front, the tight dress looked good. She had a nice rack, but her face looked kinda old and she had too much makeup on. I’d had sex with butterfaces before, and there was nothing wrong with the rest. Nothing at all wrong with the rest. I figured she was a chemistry professor (it was the chemistry building – which is why I’d never been in there before), but she clearly wasn’t interested in us getting to know each other. Fine with me. She locked the door, put a chair under the knob to keep it closed, and unzipped her dress. The dress was all she had on. Then she came at me and started taking my clothes off before I could even pull my tshirt over my head. I told y’all that I don’t like it when chicks move in on me, but this was an exception. The chick was hot, I was liking how fast she was going, and I’m not the only dude who thinks it’s hot to have sex somewhere where people might catch you. (For a faculty member, the chick wasn’t being discreet. I think you can get in deep shit if you’re a college professor and seduce innocent baseball players.)
So I had #12. I think I wrote “professor in seminar room” on the list.
My other faculty member was the teaching assistant in my advanced German class. From the first time she saw me, I could tell she liked what she saw. She kept getting all stupid and goo-goo eyed every time she called on me. She was a hot German chick, blonde and curvy, and, while she did stare at me a lot, it wasn’t a stare like she wanted to know the Hunter Block Story.
So she was like shooting a fish in a barrel. I invited her over, we had a couple beers (she was German…), and I didn’t exactly spend the next few hours telling her the Hunter Block Story. She was one of the few who stayed until morning. I think she was the only one who stayed until morning and I didn’t mind it.
I’m sure she could have gotten into deep shit for seducing an innocent baseball player too. But she seemed to care even less than that chemistry professor in the red dress.
So I had two faculty members on the list. They weren’t the only older women.