Introspection

I reckon I was complaining to Joyce last night about not having enough to do. I see Cody and Noah only once a week, and, while I’ve been going over to Lucas’ more than that, it’s not like hanging out with Lucas is something I can do every day. I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands, especially now that Keaton’s working again. It’s not that I hate my own four walls or that they’re driving me crazy, but, let’s face it, I’m used to having more to keep me busy and getting more exercise than I do now.

So I gotta find something to do.

Joyce suggested that I do a crafting project, but she was forgetting that I can’t even draw stick figures. Maybe I’m getting cranky from all the inactivity, but I reckon I could have been a little nicer to her when I turned down her suggestion that she buy me an ‘adult coloring book’, whatever the heck that is.

So then Joyce suggested that I use the time for ‘introspection’ – by which I think she meant that I should take time out and think about my life. Thing is, I just thought a lot about my life and got started on a new career…and now here I am with more time to think about what I only just thought about. I mean…I came up with a good plan and a pretty dang logical first step towards my future. I guess there are a lot of other things I can do besides play baseball and work in clothing retail, but I really liked working at the L******, and I’m looking forward to working there again. So now’s not the time to contemplate a career change.

I reckon I could try and get a job with Amazon like Keaton just did, but, now that I’ve gotten unemployment working, I recognize that I am safer at home. If I haven’t realized that, Joyce certainly has. One of the results of the quarantine has been that she’s been worrying a lot. She practically freaked out about MooMoo and NumNums when she heard on the news that they’d found a couple cats who had COVID-19.

I may be going out too much as it is, to see Joyce and to work with Lucas, Cody and Noah…so I probably shouldn’t push my luck. I’m lucky to be young and healthy, but, unlike a lot of people my age, I realize that the danger from the coronavirus is real, and, if Joyce isn’t making that very clear to me, I have Mom, Meemaw and even Dad reminding me of it from back home. Meemaw, who’s been self-isolating since before the stay-at-home order went into effect in California – it took forever for Tennessee to get on board that train – got very upset when I suggested that I might go for an Amazon job like Keaton. As it is, she’s worried that he’s going to bring something home on his clothes. I know Meemaw; she’s not an unreasonable woman. She’s certainly a lot more reasonable than a lot of people in Tennessee who want to reopen the state right away, and she’s right when she says it’d be just plain stupid not to do what they’re telling us to do to keep safe. She just wants me to be patient. This will pass, people will go back to visiting Southern California like they used to, hotels will reopen, and I’ll get my job back.

It’s just not so easy being patient. I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but the quarantine really started to get to me when we had to start wearing masks when we go out. I was doing ok until then, but now it’s really started to bother me.

Maybe I’m feeling a little sorry for myself. (I can imagine Keaton: “would you stop being so fuckin gay, bubba?!”.) But I did have it going pretty good there for a while. And now so dang much of it is on hold. And it’s only been 33 days…but it feels like it’s been several months.

Ok, Keaton’s right. I’m getting all gayass and complaining. When there’s a lot I should be happy about.

I even managed to get a job before I got laid off from the one I had. I’ve got a great best friend (who keeps me from getting too gayass lol) and a great girlfriend (who cares enough to want to get me an adult coloring book.) I have great friends on an awesome softball team (we’ll play together again…eventually) and I was liking my new job…while I had it. (Keaton’s Imagined Voice: “there you go again, bubba!”.)

I’ve even got a great sideline going teaching kids how to do the thing I love most. Hey, I’m even starting to enjoy working with Noah: it’s satisfying to get any kind of a positive reaction out of him. Plus let’s not forget that I enjoy writing my blog…even if I am kinda stuck about what to write today. And as long as Trader Joe’s has beer, Wingstop has wings, and you can get ice cream at the Rite Aid, I’m not going to starve lol.

I was talking about all that with Meemaw (this crisis has finally gotten her to learn how to video chat, and we’ve been doing it a lot…she may worry about me, but I worry about her locked up in her apartment back in Maryville too.) She told me that I ought to be very grateful to the Good Lord for having blessed me in so many ways. Maybe I’m not always grateful enough, but maybe we can say I should take advantage of the current situation to be more grateful. When I came to California, I had no idea that my life would turn out as well as it has here. I’ve told y’all I made the move blind before I could think too closely about what I was doing…and it really could have been a disaster. But it’s actually turned out pretty cool, hasn’t it?

So maybe gratitude is at least as good a way of spending time than coloring in some lameass adult coloring book.

Is that enough introspection?

I hope so. I can already hear Keaton telling me that introspection is totally gay…even gayer than the adult coloring book would have been lol.