A Super Weirdass Target Run

Ok, so today I went to Target to pick up a few things, but mostly to just see what was going on. Dang was it weird. Target’s usually a pretty noisy place: there’s always a kid screaming and plenty of people talking in the background. The reason I know this is because today it was so eerily quiet. And I do mean eerie. It’s not like there weren’t people in there, because there were, plenty of ‘em…but no one was making any noise. Fuckin spooky.

I went in the afternoon, and the place wasn’t super crowded, although the reason for that was probably because they were sold out of a lot of shit. Two of the things I went in for, Oreos and 12-pack of Coke, were sold out. Actually, they did still have the carrot cake flavor of Oreos; I probably should have blogged sooner that those are totally grossass. They had some weirdass flavors of Coke left too, but, if I’m gonna have a Coke, I want it to be a real Coke: no sense having all that sugar if you’re not gonna enjoy it. And vanilla Coke sounds pretty grossass too. Not carrot cake Oreo grossass…but still pretty grossass.

The bread aisle was totally empty, like not a crumb was left. I was at least able to get some cereal. There were plenty of big boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, so I’m fixed for breakfast on the days I don’t want to make eggs and biscuits. (Good thing I have a bunch of cans of biscuits in the refrigerator, since there weren’t any of those, either. No, I’m not hoarding them. I always keep 4 or 5 cans on hand because I can go through 3 cans in a week…depending on when I’m having breakfast at home and when I’m having it at Joyce’s.) I guess hoarders don’t like Cinnamon Toast Crunch (shows you what dumbasses the hoarders are lol), or it just shows that the staff at Target was refilling the cereal aisle first. It’s not like there isn’t food; it’s that people are buying it up faster than the clerks can restock it. And, of course, if people keep that up, there will be a food shortage. Which shows you want kind of jerkoffs the hoarders are. (It makes me wish Keaton had punched the asshole with the 20 gallons of milk in the face.)

As a joke, because I knew they wouldn’t have any, I asked the guy restocking the cereal about Purell. He laughed and said that, if I wanted to get hand sanitizer, I had to get there at 6:30. That’s when people started lining up to get into the store…which doesn’t open until 8. 6 fuckin 30. Ok, that’s insane. How much hand sanitizer are people going to need, especially when washing your hands is a better means of preventing the spread of disease than that Purell shit?

I wanted some beer too, and there was plenty of that. That’s where I talked to a nice chick in a red shirt, who said that she didn’t have a normal job anymore and that all she did was wipe down the handles of the refrigerator cases with disinfectant wipes. From what I could make out, when she gets to the end, she has to go back to the beginning and do it all over again. Like Sisyphus with clorox wipes. She warned me that the frozen food was all gone, and she was right. The only thing left in the case was half a dozen grossass gluten free cauliflower crust pizzas. Maybe hoarders don’t worry about eating gluten lol…although you’d think that the people who pretend they’re allergic to gluten are big enough jerkoffs to be hoarders too.

There was one fairly normal dude I talked to, and he pointed out that the toilet paper aisles are empty but the vitamin aisles are full. I checked and he was right…and that makes no sense. He also told me that the Bay Area implemented today a ‘shelter in place’ order…which, from how he explained it, means that everyone’s supposed to stay home. I looked it up when I got back to my apartment, and it seems that everyone’s supposed to stay inside until April 7th. That’s fuckin house arrest, and I can’t even begin to imagine how much lost wages that’s going to mean. We’re gonna be picking up the pieces from this mess for months after the crisis has passed.

The mayor of LA has announced that they’re going to put a moratorium on evictions so that people won’t get kicked out of their apartments because they can’t pay rent because they haven’t been able to make any money. They’re also not gonna shut off utilities for people who can’t pay. That’s very nice and shit, but it doesn’t solve the problem. It’s one thing not to evict people, but there’s still gonna be back rent. Affording rent is tough enough in this town…let alone having to pay several months of back rent once they can go back to work.

The other big sight to be seen at Target was the paper products aisles, both of which were completely empty…even though there was a sign saying that they were limiting purchases of toilet paper and flushable wipes to 1 per customer. There must be jerkoffs who are going around from Target to Walmart back to Target to buy more and more toilet paper. But I’ve already told y’all what I think of the hoarders.

It was a very strange Target run, that’s for sure. I just hope things don’t keep up this weird and eerie for too much longer. I know it’s not gonna get better right away…but I do hope that it doesn’t get much worse than this before it gets better.




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