I reckon I need to interrupt my telling y’all about getting my teammate Slater laid back in Hickory for an update on Joyce.
We’ve got two young guys on the team who live next door to each other in San Marino. So their parents are like super super rich. They both go to PCC (that’s Pasadena City College) and got onto the Parrots because we needed players and their older brother is friends with our captain and 3rd baseman Josh. Trey (that’s a nickname — his real name is the same as his dad and grandfather) is 21 and plays in left field. Travis is 19 and plays in right. The only thing I’ve told y’all about outfielders is that they go to strip clubs. Ours figured out a way to get Travis in when they go. I guess you can get a real good fake ID if you live in San Marino.
Trey decided he wanted to have a Labor Day cookout at his house, since his parents were going to be away at their house in Santa Barbara and he had the house to himself. The whole house. And the huge backyard…which is big enough to be a park. It’s pretty dang amazing, with a huge swimming pool, tennis court and plenty of lawn. Trey and Josh manned the super expensive grill and turned out burgers, hot dogs, and some dang good corn on the cob.
With plenty of beer to wash it all down with.
I forgot to mention that it was a “bring your girlfriend” cookout.
Joyce pretty much freaked when I told her about it – and that we were going to have to make an official appearance as a couple (if you don’t count our being on the TV as an official appearance lol.) She said she didn’t want to go, then tried making up a lameass excuse. But I wasn’t taking no for an answer.
“We’re going. You’re my girlfriend. The guys on the team are probably wondering about you.”
“What have you told them???”
She looked kind of freaked again. I reckoned she knew I’d have told my buddies at least something about her.
“Nothing much. Just that I’m dating a cool older ch…woman.”
“Do they know about the phone?”
I reckoned the phone was old news by now.
“Only Keaton knows. And he doesn’t tell anyone anything. But they did find out about the Dodger game. And thought it was real cool of you to get us those amazing seats.”
So Joyce was coming to the cookout. She kept asking me what she should wear. At least half of what’s in her closet is from the store, so it’s not like asking a regular boyfriend what to put on. It’s still a lameass question, but I’ve sold enough women enough clothes to know that you can’t get away with an answer like “anything comfortable”.
I did tell her that Trey said we could bring swimsuits. She just laughed at that. Not nicely.
I could tell she spent a long time putting on capris, a plain white shirt, way too expensive sandals and the Dodger cap I got her. She had too much make-up on for a cookout, but she looked good. Joyce wouldn’t go out of the house if she didn’t look good. The only thing I had her change was her earrings: she had on some diamond studs she bought over the summer, but they were way too big for a Labor Day cookout. Even in San Marino lol.
(Jewelry is the one safe thing to criticize when a chick asks you how she looks. In this case, I was right…and I could tell that Joyce liked it that I looked at her carefully enough to have some input.)
So we get to Trey’s house and, like I said, the place is pretty dang amazing. And all the Pasadena Parrots were there with their girlfriends.
With two exceptions.
The first one came as a big surprise to everyone. Remember Adam, our catcher? He didn’t bring his girlfriend. He brought his husband. I don’t think that anyone has a problem with a gay teammate…but it was kinda weird that he waited this long to let us know. I suppose nobody asked, and we all just reckoned he was straight because he could play softball. That was pretty dumb of us…especially of me, since I’ve played with a gay catcher before (that’s another story about Hickory I’ll tell y’all another time.) So Adam and this dude have been married since the first day you could get married in California, they’re both sober, and the husband hates sports, which is probably why we never heard about him.
Keaton brought a chick all right…but who she was was the second surprise. I know for a fact that Keaton doesn’t have a girlfriend. I know for a fact that Keaton doesn’t want a girlfriend. He gets laid all he wants, sometimes from girls who pick him up at the bar, but usually just by hiring a chick. He says it’s way simpler and costs less than taking a chick out to dinner and shit…and you’re guaranteed to get whatever you want in bed. I don’t think I could do it…but it works for him. And he does get spared the complications my girlfriends bring into my life.
Keaton wouldn’t tell me who he was bringing, so I just reckoned it would be one of those FOTB Asian girls he likes. But no. Remember the chick bartender I told you about – the super hot lesbian with the uglyass girlfriend – Dani? She showed up with Keaton. And dang did he have a smirk on his face when he saw the look on mine.
Some of the guys on the team go to the bar Keaton works at, so they probably had gotten a look at Dani. For the rest, she was a surprise. I’m not sure what it is about Dani, but Papaw would have said she has the same effect as a cow in heat has on a pen full of bulls. Ok, that’s how I reacted the first time I saw her too…then Keaton got his smirk on and told me she was a lesbian. Nobody on the team knew that she liked chicks, so they all took turns ignoring their dates so they could talk to her. I know she likes the attention. We’ve talked about it – it’s kinda like the way I don’t mind it when gay guys come on to me.
And dang did Keaton have his smirk on when he saw how the guys were going crazy for Dani.
Who all else does that leave? Josh over at 3rd base has a wife, so she was his date. Sloppy Joe turned up with another super hot girlfriend who was almost as tall as he was and works as a model. The two PCC guys in the outfield had typical PCC girlfriends, one was a Latina with a ton of make-up and heels, and our host had a real pretty Pasadena chick who’d been a princess in the Rose Parade a couple years ago. His parents must approve of her big time.
The two guys who play in center didn’t bring strippers, although there was an infielders bet that they would. One had this cute little Italian chick who obviously had total control of his balls, and the other brought his fiancee who works as a massage therapist. The real kind, not the kind Keaton sometimes hires. That leaves our pitcher. I’ve never told y’all anything about him. He goes to Cal Tech and half the time we can’t understand what he’s saying. He’s Indian and has a cute little Asian girlfriend he lives with. She was Keaton’s type, actually…only you probably had to buy her dinner before you could fuck her.