Lucas Gets a Girlfriend

Lucas went back to college back at the beginning of the month, so, between the bubble and the lockdown, I didn’t get to see him, even if he was home for over two months. That sucked, since I really was looking forward to hanging with him, but I guess there’ll be time enough this summer, when things should be at least a little more like normal. (I hope I didn’t speak too soon on that!) We facetimed a lot while he was here, which we weren’t doing when he was in Ohio, when we mostly texted and had that one long phone call.

He had a lot to talk about – you come back from your first semester away with a lot to tell people. The good news is that he seems to really like it out there. He even thought that the cold weather they got right before Thanksgiving was fun, although there was no snow. He was hoping that there’d be snow when he got back…and, well, he got his wish. He got to be in his first snowball fight, and said it was a blast. (Next time you get in a snowball fight, make sure that the baseball players are on your team. One thing we know how to do is throw hard lol.)

He said he did “ok” in his classes for his first term. He managed an A- in Freshman English…but had to pull through a required math class with only a C. I don’t know what his parents thought, but that seemed fine to me. There’s so much going on your freshman year in college and so much to get used to living away from home for the first time that your education per se sometimes needs to take a back seat.

He told me he put on 10 pounds from eating too much junk food – he took a blender to college with him to make his protein shakes, but he said it wasn’t easy using it in the dorm – although, knowing Lucas and how he works out, that was probably 10 pounds of muscle he put on. It clearly didn’t bother his girlfriend none…her nickname for him is “David” because she says he looks like the statue by Michelangelo.

So, yeah, it turns out that the Rosalind chick he asked me about when he called me back in October is now officially his girlfriend. I think it’s awesome that he’s got a girlfriend, and I’m glad I was able to help out with the stuff that his dad and Carter didn’t that him about. That included my advice about Shakespeare. He followed my instructions about writing out the speech from As You Like It and tying it to a tree branch and giving it to her. He then relied a lot of on the sonnets, although he had to email them to her, which kinda ruins it if you ask me, but they have rules at Denison about people going into other dorms as an anti-COVID measure, and him and Rosalind don’t live in the same dorm. Me and Shoshanah had it easier when it came to locker notes, but having a girlfriend is so dang complicated these days. I know what me and Joyce went through, staying away from each other during the quarantine, although I gotta tell you it was dang nice when we got back to normal.

Lucas and Rosalind didn’t have any normal to go back to…their whole relationship began during the pandemic, so they don’t know what it’s like to have a regular relationship. At least Lucas doesn’t: he didn’t have anything close to a girlfriend in high school. If y’all remember there was that one girl he had a thing for and got in a fight over…but I don’t know that she knew he even existed. So he’s flying blind, which I reckon is what all of us go through with our first girlfriends, no matter how much good advice you get from your dad, older brother…or baseball tutor. (And, believe me, I’ve texted him a lot of advice. Girls can be pretty dang mysterious at first. Actually they’re still pretty dang mysterious – think of my fight with Joyce on Valentine’s Day for no good reason – even when you’ve had a lot of experience with them.)

In the last update I gave y’all on Lucas, Rosalind said she wanted to draw him in the nude and he didn’t know what to say. He finally said yes, and, well, what do y’all think happened when she got him in her room with all his clothes off? She actually did draw him (no, I haven’t seen the drawings, and, no, I don’t want to see them lol), but then the inevitable happened and they…let’s just say they gave up on social distancing lol. They both tested negative for COVID, if y’all remember, and Lucas tested negative when Mrs. Andrews had him checked out when he got back before Thanksgiving, so I reckon it was alright…but, seriously, who was gonna stop them?

And maybe no one should have. True, I did suggest to Lucas that they play it safe…but then I probably sent mixed signals when I gave him all that horndog advice lol. It’s ok. I’m glad for him. A first girlfriend is something important…and getting laid for the first time is pretty dang important too. You only get to do it the first time once, and it’s always good for it to be a good story. (I guess I haven’t told you how it happened for me and Shoshanah, but, trust me” it was pretty cool.)

So. like tutor like pupil lol, “David”’s turned into a total horndog, at least where his girlfriend is concerned. (He was going nuts without her during the two months he was back home between semesters…I totally get that too. Y’all got no idea how much I get that lol.) He even managed to get his creepyass roommate with the fuckin caterpillars out of the room a few times so he could be alone with Rosalind. That took some ingenuity on his part, since I couldn’t give him any advice (my freshman roommate was also a total horndog and we worked out a great system for having the room to ourselves when we needed it…among other things it involved having a ball cap on the doorknob in the hallways.) He says it’s way nicer in Rosalind’s room – Lucas’ creepyass roommate is a total slob and can’t keep his shit on his side of the room – but they can’t keep imposing on Rosalind’s roommate, especially when there aren’t a whole lot of places to go hang out on campus.

But they’re managing. Like Meemaw puts it, where a will is, there’s a way…

So that’s all great, right? But there’s a problem…

Rosalind’s politics. She’s like the queen of ‘woke’, Lucas says…and Lucas was brought up Republican by a conservative wealthy family in Pasadena. I don’t know who he voted for (Dad always says that ‘secret ballot’ means that you don’t ask people who they voted for), but me and Lucas have talked a lot about a whole lot of shit over the time I’ve known him, and, while his political ideas are not Proud Boys right wing or anything fucked up like that, but he’s very opposed to things like cancel culture, still thinks free speech is important, and, well, let’s just say that me and him agree about most political things. Not that either of us is super political or anything anyway.

Rosalind, on the other hand, is totally into politics, Lucas says, like every other thought that comes out of her mouth has to do with politics. She went on BLM marches over the summer and is super into shit like cancel culture and apparently wanted to go to a school out here in California where you can major in Peace. (She didn’t get in, so she ended up at Denison.) What the fuck is majoring in Peace? I mean, people make fun of my Leisure Studies B.S., but, even if it sounds like the kind of bullshit degree they give jocks, I had to work hard for it. The leisure industry is a thing. (Well…at lest it was before the pandemic…) But Peace?? I’m not sure what the heck it is, but I reckon it’s like a degree in woke shit where they teach you to get offended at the slightest thing. At the moment Lucas says she’s super into trans rights, and you gotta be super careful what you say around her. (As far as Lucas can tell, Rosalind doesn’t even know anyone who actually is trans…which makes it sound pretty dang silly to me.)

Rosalind has no idea what Lucas’ politics are…he’s been keeping them a secret…and he’s been going along with some shit just so they can be together. So he’s been to some lectures where they apparently say stuff everyone in the room agrees with…that’s everyone except Lucas, who claps and cheers at the right moments because he wants to hold onto his girlfriend. (Ok, I reckon that if you want to be less cynical you can say he’s doing it to keep his girlfriend happy.) He’s told me he feels kinda guilty doing that, and as though he’s being a fraud…I told him that men have done a whole lot more than go to some BLM lectures so they can get laid. (Lucas: “but I’m not just doing it to get laid…” Me: “we all say that; it’s part of being a dude…”.)

And what about baseball? First good news: there’s gonna be a NCAA baseball season this year. The other good news is that Lucas nailed his tryout and got himself a spot on the team. Not like he’s the starting 2nd baseman or anything like that, but I didn’t play a whole lot my freshman year, either. You don’t as a freshman…you go from starting every game at your position as a senior in high school to being back at the bottom of the totem pole in college. Lucas says the guys on the team seem pretty chill, and his buddy Todd – the Tampa Bay fan who’s still getting shit from Lucas about the World Series – made the team too.

So my boy Lucas is set up with a girlfriend and a baseball team. I’d say things are going pretty good for him. I’m dang glad. After having to go through all the disappointment he went through his last year in high school, he and all the kids his age deserve a break.

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