Mean Girls (last part)

The meanest of the mean girls at Maryville High when I was there was named Ashleigh Renfroe. She could be vicious, and one of her main targets was my girlfriend Shoshanah. Ashleigh intercepted one of Shoshanah’s locker notes to me and put it up on Facebook. Shoshanah was totally humiliated, and I came out looking like something of a fool too. So I decided something had to be done.

It was my buddy Turner who came up with the idea for what we ended up doing. Turner understood that part of Ashleigh’s influence over the girls came from her having hot boyfriends the other girls would be jealous of. So what would happen if she couldn’t get a hot boyfriend?

At the time, Ashleigh was going out with a dude named Clay Bender. He was a swimmer, and, according to Melanie Kate, one of the super cutest of boys in school. She explained that her friends who didn’t have a crush on me had a crush on Clay. I knew Clay pretty well, and so I went to him with the first phase of Turner’s plan. For it to work, Clay had to dump Ashleigh’s mean ass.

I wasn’t sure what he was gonna say – there was the blow job factor lol – but he went along with it. He said he was tired of the endless drama with Ashleigh…and agreed that the Facebook posting of Shoshanah’s note was going too far.

So we got rid of Ashleigh’s boyfriend.

Next step: make sure she didn’t get another one.

Turner’s plan had been for all the cute jocks to band together and refuse to go out with her. There were some problems there, like how totally gayass it would be of us to put together a list of the cute jocks. Besides, it’s not like the only cute guys at Maryville High played a sport. (At least that’s what Melanie Kate told me. There were apparently some “dreamy” boys doing theater, like the Oberon in our production of Midsummer Night’s Dream.)

Gardner asked what kind of a boycott we should have then…and then it hit me. Boycott. BOYcott. We were gonna get every boy in Maryville High to blow off Ashleigh Renfroe.

That wasn’t so hard for a lot of the guys in school, who didn’t care about her in the first place. Ashleigh may have had a lot of influence with girls, but, like I said, for us guys she was just another hot easy girl. There were other hot easy girls to choose from. It was a little trickier with some of the guys who could conceivably have been on her boyfriend list – the blow job factor again – but they all eventually agreed to come on board, although it took some persuading by me, Clay, Turner and Gardner to get the basketball team to agree. (We had the baseball, football, swim and soccer teams sewed up because me and Gardner played baseball and football and Clay swam and played soccer.)

Did it work?

Fuck yeah it worked.

Within a week of her getting dumped by Clay, Ashleigh’s position began to crumble away from under her. Most of the guys were so into the BOYcott that they didn’t even look at her when they passed her in the halls. Once the girls noticed that the boys were totally blowing her off, they began to think that, hey, maybe Ashleigh isn’t as cool as all that. Why copy her makeup if she can’t get any boys to look at her?

So that’s how the boys at Maryville High bonded together and saved the school from the meanest of the mean girls. Nobody was as relieved as Shoshanah, who kind of was the poster girl for the BOYcott. She was the one who’d been fucked over the worst by Ashleigh, and us guys were fighting for our locker note rights.

Of course we’d created a power vacuum (I think that’s what they call it), and there was obviously another girl who’d take Ashleigh’s place, although it turned out that it was a group of girls, not just one, who replaced Ashleigh. That meant no one girl had the kind of control Ashleigh had…and it gave Melanie Kate a lot of makeup styles to choose from lol. Clay got himself another girlfriend, and, if what he was saying in the locker room was true, she gave even better blow jobs than Ashleigh. (Senior year, after me and Shoshanah broke up I found out that he was probably right lol.) Nobody – boy or girl – fucked with me and Shoshanah after that. Most kids thought the “Shakespeare Couple” was pretty cool…which I reckon we were. We weren’t the only ones to see ourselves as Romeo and Juliet.

And what about the evil Ashleigh Renfroe? Did she crack completely and have to be home schooled? Naw. She thought way too much of herself for that. We kept the BOYcott up for a couple months, though, just to be sure we undermined her meanness completely. And, during that time, the guys in school realized there were plenty of other hot girls. We couldn’t keep it up forever, and she got a date to the dance at the end of junior year…but he wasn’t the kind of dude who’d make all the girls in school jealous. He wasn’t even a jock. But by then almost no girls in school gave a shit what Ashleigh said anymore…which is exactly what that meanass bitch deserved. Nobody was ever gonna make Hunter Block’s girlfriend cry again.

Y’all hear a lot about “girl power” these days. I think the BOYcott proved that there’s such a thing as “boy power” too.

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