So I was telling y’all about Maryville High’s #1 mean girl, Ashleigh Renfroe.
She was a typical mean girl from what I’ve heard other people say about mean girls at their schools. In a lot of ways she could have stepped out of the movie. I know I’m a dude, and so I wasn’t the target of her meanness, but dudes and mean girls do cross paths. Especially when it comes to boyfriends.
One of the things typical of a mean girl is a desirable boyfriend, usually what I reckon you can call a cute jock.
And I just happened to be one of those.
I told y’all I was retarded where girls were concerned until junior year, and that’s when Ashleigh set her sights on me. And I mean set her sights. Like one of those telescopic sights they have on assault rifles the project a red dot onto the target lol. I think my thing about not liking it when a girl pursues me goes all the way back to Ashleigh Renfroe. Not that every baseball player at Maryville High didn’t tell me to go for it. I gotta admit, yeah, she was hot, and, yeah, I was obviously curious about the blow jobs…but I just found the way she was after me was a huge turn-off. I could easily have been one of Ashleigh Renfroe’s cute jock boyfriends…but I just didn’t want to. I wanted to pick my own first girlfriend. And not vice versa.
Y’all know that’s exactly what I did, and me and Shoshanah Rabinowitz became a couple officially on my 17th birthday (that’s November 8th, in case y’all have forgotten lol.)
Meemaw saw it coming. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, she said. And hell really hath no fury like a mean girl scorned. Ashleigh didn’t like it that I’d turned her down…and she really didn’t like it that someone else had me and not her.
Shoshanah became her target. Pretty soon there were rumors running around about how Shoshanah was a slut and a whore and having sex with a bunch of ugly guys in addition to me. Worse she started girls saying that Shoshanah was – like they say in the movie – a “fugly slut” who was way too fugly to be going out with a guy like me.
Let me make something clear: Shoshanah was beautiful. She didn’t look like a typical southern girl, but not one of my buddies said that I was dating a girl who was only pretty if you knew she was a smart girl first. She certainly wasn’t “fugly” and everyone who knew us said me and Shoshanah made a good-looking couple. So the rumor was even meaner because it wasn’t true.
Shoshanah hung out with smart friends, and they all should have been too smart to let Ashleigh’s mean shit bother them…but they did let it bother them. It bothered Shoshanah a lot. She was in tears over it several times, and, when I did my best to comfort her, she snapped at me and told me I couldn’t understand it because I was a guy.
And then one day the situation hit critical mass and exploded.
I didn’t know about it at first, because I was never a big Facebook person, and, even if I did look at Facebook, I certainly wasn’t gonna look at Ashleigh Renfroe’s page. On the other hand, Melanie Kate did, and one morning when I was getting dressed she came to my room all upset…because one of Shoshanah’s locker notes to me was posted on Ashleigh’s page.
Maybe I need to explain locker notes. It’s real simple: every day, me and Shoshanah slid a note into the other’s locker. There was a lot of Shakespeare in them (Shoshanah loved quoting the Sonnets, even if I was never big on them), and, well, we were 17 and there was some other really personal stuff as well. I’m not talking XXX personal or anything, but, well, we wrote about what we did and what we wanted to do. Enough for it to be real embarrassing if someone else got to see one of the notes.
And there was one of Shoshanah’s notes on Facebook…for everyone to see. With a title like “here’s a note from Maryville High’s Shakespeare Couple – Shakespeare isn’t what they write to each other”. (We were the “Shakespeare Couple” because we were both acting in that production of Midsummer Night’s Dream that winter; I was Lysander and she was Hermia. It was fun, but not as fun as playing sports…so that was the end of my career as an actor as well as the beginning.)
So having the note on Facebook was incredibly embarrassing for both me and Shoshanah, but especially for her. That meanass bitch Ashleigh made Shoshanah cry again, and, between that and being made to look like something of a fool myself, I decided that something had to be done. There was something seriously wrong in a school where you couldn’t leave your girlfriend a note in her locker without being afraid that it would be intercepted and plastered all over Facebook.
First I told Shoshanah she should do something. I even offered to teach her how to throw a punch so that she could make Ashleigh sorry she’d fucked with her. Shoshanah didn’t like that idea. And the fucked up reality is that none of the girls really had any weapons they could use against Ashleigh. That’s how well she had the school sewed up.
So…if Shoshanah wasn’t going to do something, I was. I couldn’t take care of Ashleigh Renfroe the way I’d have taken care of her if she was a dude, so I had to think of some other way to stop her. I reckon I had to think a little like a mean girl. But this wasn’t about revenge; this was a about getting a fucked up meanass girl to stop doing the shit she was doing so that we could go back to being a nice school where boyfriends and girlfriends could have some privacy and people didn’t have to worry about being humiliated by Ashleigh Renfroe.