I’m Back

Hey y’all.

So I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything on the blog. I’ve been going through some pretty serious shit and I haven’t felt much like writing. I’m still on TV, however, and I’m still looking out for Jacob and Matteo, and me and Joyce are still together. Keaton’s still my best buddy, and, although I had to take a “leave of absence” from both teams, I’m back to playing with both the Parrots and Los Cervezeros. On the outside, everything’s still pretty much the same. The problem – and, yeah, it’s definitely a problem – is on the inside. And I reckon that Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month is a good time to write about it. My therapist thinks it would be good for me and…

Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself here.

I started writing about what’s going on with me before June started, and now I’m sitting on over 27,000 words about a story that’s still ongoing. Looking at that number, I realize I should have started posting way sooner than I’m doing. I’m going to pre-date the blog posts so they start off in Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and the random date I chose was the 15^th. So get ready for a long story about why hunterblocksblog.com has been laying abandoned since last November.

Actually, the last thing I wrote for the blog was a piece about Christmas, which me, Keaton, Mrs. LaSalle and Matt all spent at Joyce’s. I never finished it. I’m thinking I’ll edit what I have and post it, since content is content, and you might as well not waste your hard work. But before I could do that, I started this post, and it’s been keeping me real busy.

Rereading the Christmas blog, I can recognize that everything was ok for Christmas.  We all had a good time at Joyce’s. It was New Year’s Eve that I reckon the trouble started. I went over to Joyce’s in my tuxedo, and we had our usual New Year’s Eve, but I couldn’t get into it like I usually did. Anyway…we ended up having a big fight (I don’t even remember what it was about) and I stormed out shortly after midnight.

Joyce was pretty dang shocked by that – “it’s just not you, Hunter” is what she said – and, yeah, it wasn’t. Y’all have had a good chance to get to know me, and I’m a pretty happy-go-lucky (Meemaw’s expression for me) dude.  Stuff doesn’t bother me all that much and I can usually shrug off a lot of the lameass shit that life throws at me. So getting so pissed off at my girlfriend that I’d walk out on her on New Year’s Eve was pretty major. I’m not sure whose fault it was, but Joyce called the next morning to patch things up…and we were good before I hung up the phone. That wasn’t the problem: the problem was that I couldn’t get out of bed. It’s not like I was sleepy and just wanted to sleep longer. I just couldn’t get myself together to get out of the bed.  The boys came to find me around 11 (remember that I was supposed to spend the night at Joyce’s) to see if I was back yes, and they found me lying in the dark. I was able to make a huge effort with them watching and finally got out of bed, but it wasn’t easy.  Me and Jacob watched bowl games with Robert in the screening room for most of the day (Matteo kept coming in and going out again…football’s still not his thing), and so I reckon it would have been a normal New Year’s Day, except that I just wasn’t feeling it.

I was fine the next day, and, the morning after that, I was up with the boys at 6:55 and had them at school as though nothing had happened. I swam, worked out, went to a meeting about last-minute plans for the Armenian Christmas show, and I felt I was back to being myself again. So I thought it must have been some kind of weird blip…maybe I felt Joyce was expecting too much from New Year’s Eve or something. I reckoned it wasn’t worth telling anyone about, and I fully believed that everything was back to normal.

Only it wasn’t. The next morning was one of the worst mornings of my life, and that’s counting all the times I woke up with a hangover after getting drunk and in a fight and laid by some chick I didn’t remember back when I was getting over leaving baseball.  I just…I just couldn’t get out of bed. I’m embarrassed to have to admit it, but the boys had to come and get me and practically dragged me to the Maybach so I could get them to school.

When I got back, I crawled back into bed and just lay there in the dark. I lost all track of time, and, before I realized what was happening, it was 11:30 and Sandy came to look for me because I was supposed to be at a meeting about my segment going forward into spring.

No one bothers knocking on the sliding glass door from the pool area, and Sandy was no exception. I didn’t know she was there until she came into the bedroom.

“Oh.” I could tell she was surprised. Usually I’m pretty dang active in the mornings. “Maya sent me to look for you. We’re waiting for you in her office.”

“Wha…?”

“Are you okay? You look like shit – that’s still better than most people, but, seriously, what’s up?”

“I…” I had no idea what to say. So I decided to go for the first lie that came to mind. “I’ve just got a really bad headache. I’ve never had a migraine, but this could be one.”

“I get them sometimes. Do you have any Excedrin? They work best.”

“I don’t think so…”

“I’ll see if I can scrounge up a couple for you. I’ll tell everyone you’re…what do they say?…indisposed. I can’t think of a meeting you’ve missed, so I’m sure they’ll give you a pass. Truth is we’re still brainstorming to come up with something new for you to do on air. We were hoping you’d have an idea.”

“I…” As y’all can tell, I was real articulate that day lol.

“Don’t worry about it. Just get some rest and feel better. I’ll see about the Excedrin. Do you want me to ask Belen to get you something? Coffee helps with migraines sometimes.”

“No…thanks…I’m good. I guess I just need to lay here.”

“Ok, Hunter. Feel better.”

So I got away without going to the meeting. Sandy was super considerate and went to pick up the boys herself, so I slept all day until it was supper time. I was at least hungry, and that got me out of bed finally. I stood under the shower for while, and that made me feel a little better. I didn’t do much more than run a comb through my hair, so Sandy was right, I pretty much looked like shit.

Belen and the boys had already started dinner when I got there. She’d made chicken enchiladas, and I ate like normal. Everyone was very attentive about my ‘migraine’, and I felt bad for lying about something that was probably worse than whatever it was that I did have.

I didn’t tell Joyce about my weirdass day, but I did tell Keaton about it when I called him later in the evening.

“Pull yourself together, bubba,” he told me. “Don’t go getting all fuckin gay and saying you have the vapors like my mamaw’s mamaw used to say. You’re probably just still upset you had the fight with Joyce. Go have your daily beer…”

“I’ve already had it.”

“Then fuck the rules and have another one and get to sleep. I’m sure you’ll feel different in the morning.”

So I tried to follow my best buddy’s advice, including the second beer, and got into bed, planning for everything to be normal. Only problem was I couldn’t get to sleep. I told myself that it was because I slept the whole day (makes sense, right?) and tossed and turned like they say until past 3. I was able to wake up when I needed to, though, and everyone was relieved when I dragged my ass into the kitchen to have breakfast with the boys at 7. I took them to school, got home, and made up the workout I’d missed the day before. The meeting about where to go with my segment was rescheduled for that day, and I made what I thought were some good suggestions and felt enthusiastic about the other ideas that got tossed around in Maya’s office.

So I figured the day before had just been another weirdass exception and went back to living my life normally. That got me through Armenian Christmas, which I even got to participate in, wearing the Christmas pajamas Maya had ordered for me, like I was a member of the family. The boys got me an awesome gift, and a super generous bonus from Maya and Robert was included in my haul. There was every reason to feel good, and I did.

Until that night, when I once more couldn’t fall asleep, even after a third beer. (I could hear Lucas warning me about that, so I felt guilty while I drank it.) Then the predictable happened, and I couldn’t get out of bed again. The boys came to find me when it was time for them to leave for school, and this time I just couldn’t force myself to get up. All I wanted was to be alone in the dark, but I had the boys to deal with. I feel bad about it, but I lied to them and told Jacob and Matteo that I had a terrible headache again (“like a migraine?,” Matteo asked; I nodded.) I asked the boys if they could maybe get their dad to run them to school. Lucky for all of us, Robert was up, and he was totally awesome and jumped in for me, so the boys got to school ok.

Robert stopped by the pool house on his way back from dropping off the boys. I was still in bed.

“You ok?,” he asked.

I think I mumbled something.

“Another migraine?”

“I…I think so. I just don’t…can’t…” I felt real bad about lying to my boss – and to someone who I also considered a friend – but I didn’t know what else to say about how I was feeling.

“Wow,” he said. “It must be a doozy. Sandy got you a bottle of Excedrin. I’ll bring it over; it may help. Otherwise…I may have something stronger leftover in my medicine cabinet from the last time my back went out. Just let me know.”

It was super nice the way Robert was trying to help me with my ‘migraine’, but, since I didn’t actually have a headache, I didn’t need the Excedrin, let alone something stronger. (If I can’t handle a shot of Jack Daniels, I’m pretty dang sure I can’t handle oxycontin.) I had to go through with my lie, though, so I asked him to bring the Excedrin.

He was back in a couple minutes, opened the bottle, and poured out two tablets and went to get a glass from the kitchen area. I had no choice but to swallow medicine I didn’t need, although I knew Excedrin was just aspirin, Tylenol and caffeine…and I thought that maybe at least the caffeine would help me.

“You know,” Robert said after he made sure I took my medicine, “if this keeps up, we’re going to need to get you to see a neurologist. I don’t think it’s normal for a man your age in perfect health and perfect shape to be having migraines.”

Great, I thought, now he thinks I have a brain tumor. I let him go and lay there feeling no better than I had earlier in the morning. The caffeine didn’t wake me up, but it did make it hard for me to fall asleep again…and sleeping was the only thing I wanted to do.

So I lay there for most of the day. I knew that I had to get the boys after school, and I kept looking at the clock as it got later and later and closer and closer to the time I absolutely had to get out of bed. I know I fell asleep again, since Robert told me later that afternoon that he’d come back to check on me and I was sleeping, and he didn’t want to disturb me. Finally I managed to do what seemed impossible; get my ass out of bed and into jeans, a tshirt, my green Parrots jacket and a beanie. I didn’t even bother looking in the mirror: I knew I looked like shit. Fortunately, the Maybach has tinted windows…and it’s not like I get followed by paparazzi wherever I go lol.

I was able to pick the boys up in time, and to work on some baseball things with them when we got home. I remember feeling like I wasn’t into it – and it’s pretty dang weird if baseball doesn’t grab my attention – but I went through with it and I don’t think the boys noticed that anything was wrong.

That was how I got through the next few weeks. I was dragging my feet through my days, although I don’t think anyone really noticed that I definitely wasn’t the good ole Hunter I was used to being.